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How to Support Your Spouse Through Loss or Disappointment

One of the tough things about life is that it never really seems to slow down. Life events, big and small, continue to occur, including the challenge of when your spouse goes through a loss or disappointment. Your ability to be able to support your spouse in an affirming and loving manner is vitally important—but not always easy to do. I have learned that when your spouse experiences a difficult loss, like the death of a family member, or a disappointment, like hearing they did not get the promotion they worked so hard to get, is really an opportunity for you to step up and demonstrate your love for them in a powerful way.

Just Listen. If you are anything like me, you struggle at times with slowing your mind down enough to be able to “just listen,” especially if you think you can provide a simple solution that will magically take all the problems away. The truth is when it comes to dealing with a tough loss or disappointment, at least early on, it’s more likely than not, that your spouse just needs your support rather than a solution. Resist the urge to start telling your spouse how they should be handling it. More often than not, sitting quietly next to them and holding their hand is a good place to start.

Step Up. For many people, when they go through a tough loss or disappointment, their world is shaken up a bit, and being able to operate at their same level of efficiency is not always easy to do. You can make a big impact by simply stepping up to help support the smooth running of the household by doing extra chores around the house or offering to do some of the things your spouse would typically do. For me, it would be to take on more of the responsibility of shuttling our kids around to their various activities and practices. Grief and sadness make it hard to focus on normal tasks, and your spouse may look up and realize they have forgotten to start dinner, or check the kids’ homework. Jumping in and getting hands-on is a powerful way to show your spouse that you can be their safety net. It really helps gives them some additional time and space to grieve.

Ask Them. Another important tip is to ask what you can do. Sometimes we think we know what is best, but everyone processes grief and loss differently, and you cannot always be sure how they are going to respond. If you misdirect your energy, you may discover to your dismay that what your spouse really needed, you didn’t get done at all. So when the time is appropriate, ask your spouse “Is there anything I can do right now to be helpful?” If there answer ends up being something like, “I need you to decide…,” then do your best to run with it with a good attitude.

Give Time. God created all of us different, so there really is no perfect formula or timeframe for your spouse to process loss or disappointment. It is important to give them the time they need to work through it in their own way. You do not want to rush them because this may cause them to resent you. I know one couple that illustrates this perfectly. After the loss of the woman’s father, the husband was not very sympathetic, and basically had the attitude of suck it up and drive own. Well as you can imagine, this did not do any favors for their marriage. Some of the most powerful six words you can offer your spouse are “take all the time you need.”

Supporting your spouse through a loss or disappointment can be difficult to navigate. How you support them is so important. Just listen, step up, ask them and give them time are a few important tips I have learned that will help you know how to respond in their time of need.

God Bless,

Comments(3)

  1. Mark Goodpaster says

    Great read on this article!
    Thanks for sharing!

  2. Lori Osterhout says

    I enjoyed reading this and handed to my husband ! Life is unexpected ! Very nice and thanks!!

    • cwatchadmin says

      Your quite welcome Lori. Hope he reads them as well.

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