2

How to Keep Your Marriage from Dying

 

I have to admit something: Marriage can become pretty dull. If you are married, do you agree? Once the wedding bliss was over and the demands of kids, work, and home set in, I discovered the time left to keep my marriage fresh and growing was very difficult to maintain. A friend of mine admitted to me recently that the reason he believes his marriage ended after nearly twenty years was because they stopped finding ways to connect with one another and approached their marriage like work. If their calendars had openings, they could schedule time together. If not, it would have to wait. I cannot stress to you strongly enough that finding ways to have “spontaneity” in your marriage is critically important to the health and survival of your marriage. Here’s why…

Have you ever heard the phrase, “familiarity breeds contempt?” Generally, it means that someone (your spouse), who is exciting when you first meet them, is less so once you know all their flaws. But a hum-drum daily routine can create a false sense of contempt. Without meaning to, we begin to think our spouse is boring, when in truth your situation is boring.

This is important to remember. Spontaneity in a marriage is all about getting past (or being able to push past) your situation so you can connect once again with our spouse. You will see lots of articles out there about big ideas like surprising your spouse with a plane ticket to go on a weekend getaway to a tropical island, but let’s be honest, not many couples are able to do this (if you are, all the power to you). You do not need to do anything this grand. In fact, there are many great ways to be more spontaneous. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Flip your usual tasks. Does your spouse usually do the cooking? Surprise him or her by making a meal. If that stresses you out, then cater it in. I suggest picking their favorite type of meal, or pick a cuisine you have been meaning to try.

Change up your date nights! Are you in the habit of hitting the same restaurants and movie theaters over and over again? Try take-out and turn your home into a movie theater with popcorn and a blanket. The key here is trying something new!

Skip dinner; eat dessert! This may seem crazy to you, especially if you are the meat and potatoes type of person, but have you ever thought about just skipping dinner altogether and doing dessert instead? Hey, you are a grown up, who’s going to stop you? Just the other day I spoke with a couple who said they tried this once and they loved it – actually the woman loved it and the guy wasn’t so sure but he tried it, he thought doing this every once in a while brought a positive change to what often seemed a pretty routine married life.

Do something together that you would have done when you were newlyweds. Play a board game. Go on a bike ride. Buy Nerf or water guns and have a battle. Eat on the floor. Go dancing. Go on a road trip. Sleep in together.

Show love spontaneously! Bring home a small gift or treat—a flower, a chocolate bar, or anything else that would be a treat. Send an affectionate text. Find an excuse to meet at home during the day and make love (now I have your attention).

Drop everything to attend an event. Use Facebook to discover and “like” the pages of local organizations, and keep track of events you are interested in like carnivals, local performances, and athletic events and so on. When you see something interesting going on, grab your spouse and head out the door. If you have young children, having a reliable and “emergency” babysitting plan in place is key for this to happen.

Take side trips. In advance, build in a little margin of time as you head out on day or extended trips. Look for opportunities to hop off your route and check out a historical site, a roadside diner, or a park. If you are a planner like me, have a few ideas thought out in advance so that if you have the extra time you can take advantage of it without stressing out about it. I discovered that there are actually apps designed to suggest local sights you might be missing.

The idea of being spontaneous again may seem a little overwhelming, especially in light of your current situation. But I can assure you that once you get the ball rolling you’ll see new opportunities everywhere. These new experiences with your spouse will stimulate conversation and help you restore some of the fun you had early in your marriage. And who knows? While you are surprising your husband or wife, you might just surprise yourself, too.

Was this helpful? Feel free to leave a comment. Would love to chat with you.

God Bless,

Doug Hedrick

 

 

Comments(2)

  1. El Ahlwardt says

    Many thanks, Doug. You KNOW this is pertinent to us because you’ve lived it yourself. That credibility is what makes your many insights so valuable to me, Brother. Thanks. As for creative: I love the concept and I pray I do NOT EVER grow weary of trying to keep it present in my marriage.

    Keep charging.

  2. Liz says

    Such great advice! Especially when you add kids into the mix… It’s so important to keep things fresh with your spouse! Sometimes the urgent needs of little people deplete the energy required to keep love alive! Blessings!

Comments are now closed for this article.