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Why Getting This Right Will Change Your Life

Here is the bottom line, if you are married or plan to be married, your relationship with your spouse should be the primary (and most important) relationship in your life. I have learned the hard way that when you do not get this right, not only does your marriage suffer, but your career, health, and relationships suffer as well. We are responsible people, wanting to provide well for our families, make sure our kids receive a quality education, get ahead at work, attend important events, take care of our health and make sure our homes are properly taken care of.

These are all good and virtuous things to do. In practice, though, what often happens is that all of these good and virtuous things can push our marriage to the back of the line. I am here to tell you that when we get this wrong, we are misdirecting our energy and we suffer as a result. Our marriage should be a source of strength and unconditional love. But if we are constantly starving it (i.e. pushing it to the back of the line), how then can we possibly rely upon it when we need it the most?

If you have ever traveled by plane, you know that there are special instructions for people with small children. If the cabin decompresses, “put on your own oxygen mask first, and then attend to your child’s” is what you would typically hear. There is a good reason for this. If you put your child’s mask on first, then pass out before you can get to your own, your child no longer has a parent to help them. The best way to take care of your child in that moment is to make sure you are around and going to have the resources to help them.

Marriage is just like that. When you and your spouse are happy and secure in your relationship, there is plenty of love and good cheer to go around. But if your marriage has been pushed to the back of the line and all you seem to be doing is putting on “masks” with no oxygen, then I am here to tell you, this is a recipe for failure. A recent study by the National Marriage Project found that spending some time together just once a week could as much as double your odds of staying married. Seems straightforward, right? Now add in small kids, working parents and helping take care of elderly parents and all of sudden the chances of this once a week “get together” become another good idea to work on.

Now, you might be asking yourself, “Is this a chicken and the egg situation? Are couples that actually take time to go on “dates” happier, or do happy couples date more?” The answer, of course, is that it does not really matter. We need to model the marriage we want to have. If you are not particularly happy right now, standing still is not going to fix anything…taking action and not making any more excuses is the key.

Be mindful though of the difference between time in the same room, and quality time. While TV watching is an activity many couples do together, I would argue that happier couples appear to do active hobbies together more than passive activities like watching TV.

In closing, let me say that if finances are a challenge, do not let the idea of a formal “date night” stop you. Having a candlelight dinner after the kids are in bed is a great idea. It doesn’t matter if you are serving fish sticks and tater tots, what really matters most is that you are taking time to strengthen the most important relationship in your life, or said another way, you are consciously making the effort to put on your own oxygen mask first.

Was this helpful? Feel free to leave a comment. Would love to chat with you.

God Bless,

Doug Hedrick

Comments(2)

  1. Rebecca says

    This is a fantastic reminder for couples, Doug! I have often thought of the airplane/oxygen mask analogy — it’s so true! Couples need to keep nurturing their relationship, long after the wedding and honeymoon. And you hit the nail on the head… once you add in jobs, kids (and the inevitable activities in which they are involved), basic housekeeping, etc., so many couples push “marriage maintenance” to the bottom of the list. Great advice & suggestions!
    (Would you mind if I shared a link to this on my blog?)

    • cwatchadmin says

      No problem, the more the merrier as far as sharing it. Great to hear from you Rebecca. Love it that you are also putting out a blog.

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